DAY ONE 12:30 p.m. I dash to JFK. I am on one of my MFM swinging adventures tonight, flying to one of our finest flyover states. I have Adult Friend Finder to thank.
12:31 p.m. My swinging M.O. is simple: Exchange recent pics of him and her. Talk on the phone. Set a date. Fly. Fuck like mad. Return to NYC. When it works, it is a very efficient way to get hot, no-strings-attached sex.
12:32 p.m. The hubby keeps annoying me with texts. Decide to humor him. After all, he is letting me have sex with his wife.
8:20 p.m. We meet at T.G.I. Friday’s. Wifey looks like her pics, which is good. Hubby seems a little nervous. I act like I’ve known them forever—give him a hearty handshake, kiss her on the cheeks. We order drinks and talk.
9 p.m. Back at the hotel. We are both undressing wifey. She has massive breasts, which I love. I play with them. Hubby is naked, playing and taking pics.
9:30 p.m. Wifey deep-throats me … awesome. Hubby alternates between taking pics and encouraging her.
10 p.m. We have sex in a variety of positions. While it feels good, there is no way I am losing control. That is a big swinging no-no, unless the couple wants that.
11 p.m. Halfhearted sex for the second round, but I am tired. I dutifully take the camera for a bit.
11:30 p.m. Saying our good-byes. I tell them to keep in touch and send me the pics so I can store/post them on my AFF profile.
DAY TWO 6 a.m. On first plane back to NYC. I’d give the night before a B+.
3 p.m. Still horny as hell. No prospects. I jack off at home.
3:15 p.m. Surfing options. I am really into interracial sex. I have significant relational issues with African-American women. My shrink tells me that I am excluding an entire dating pool, but I can’t shake off some of my residual high-school/college issues.
11:30 p.m. Hitting my favorite bar in the East Village. I am not very good at the asinine bullshit/social Kabuki required to convince some girl to come back to my apartment.
Midnight Drinking solo. I have told my shrink that I think I am a misogynist. She tells me I should listen to women more.
DAY THREE Noon The Lord’s Day. Jack off.
DAY FOUR 11 p.m. At home and horny again. I fire up iloveinterracial.com—it combines two aspects of porn I thoroughly enjoy: black-on-white sex and amateur swinging.
DAY FIVE 6:30 a.m. My morning wood is like clockwork. I think about my ex-girlfriend. I know, it’s an NYC cliché—the jaded New Yorker with the magical “ex” they cannot get over.
Noon Lunch on the desk. One of the admins is a sistah … with cantaloupe breasts and a slim waist; too bad she’s a cliché as a single mom. I can imagine those breasts being very fun.
7 p.m. See this banging Latina with sweater straining over fake breasts. I remind myself that I need to date a stripper before I die.
11 p.m. Horny before bed. Check out AFF. No prospects of interest.
DAY SIX 7:30 p.m. Drinks with S., one of several older women I dated two years ago, after actively focusing on the MILF demographic.
8:30 p.m. S is telling me about her nonexistent love life. I decide to push my luck. I ask her for decorating advice, as I am trying to spiff up the bachelor pad.
9 p.m. She takes the bait. We head home.
9:15 p.m. I lose all pretense and jump her. Clothes off, I go down on her. She reciprocates.
9:30 p.m. I slap on a condom and start missionary style. She is more verbal than I remember.
11 p.m. I have three orgasms. This was great, mainly because I went into drinks not expecting anything. Grade: A-.
DAY SEVEN 8 a.m. Thinking about last night. I like dating older women because they are more open in bed and less possessive. And the power imbalance: I am the younger one with the career, the six-foot-tall-and-200-pound athletic frame, the smarts, the dick, and the Platinum AmEx.
4:01 p.m. Hitting the gym tonight and prepping for a big swinging party tomorrow night.
10:30 p.m. I fire up the Dark Cavern (interracial amateur and meeting site) and Mrpeepers (amateur porn). They do the trick.
11 p.m. Tired, I crash. As I fall asleep, I think to myself: I need a new fling and some regular sex.
Read the Full Diary
Trader received 59 comments COMMENTS ON THIS DIARY:
“As a black woman I would love to know what his “issues” are. I think the first one is actually writing “sistahs.” I hope he gets somewhere with therapy.” BY HYPNOTIC
“Inherently soulless, shallow, and shameless. It reeks of a guy desperately unhappy with his own life. A sex addict trying to replace an emptiness. Get some help!” BY LOMAXA
“If I was younger and single I would be all over the Internet sex thing. It is almost like the free love of the sixties has come back, but in a cyber kind of way.” BY ARMSTP
“I simply can’t believe this man is in charge of other people’s money. You can see why the market falls while this guy spends his weekends ignoring the markets and surfing the web for porn.” BY SERIOUSLYNYMAG
So there’s this iPhone app called Grindr. It’s a GPS-enabled social-networking service for gay men. It tells you how many feet away a possible hookup is standing. Each profile comes with a picture, a tagline, the relevant stats, and a declaration of interest. You scroll through a column of heads and torsos arranged in descending order of proximity, tapping on the ones that seem promising and chatting with the ones who want the same things you do. As you make your way through the city, the menu of men reshuffles, and the erotic terrain updates in real time.
Has the search for erotic gratification ever been so efficient? Until recently, being a cad or coquette took a lot of work: You needed to buy a little black book, and you had to go around filling it, and then you had to schedule your calls for a time when the target of your seduction was likely to be at home. The less-self-assured daters in New York faced the sickening anxiety of the first phone call, or the cold approach in the bar. There were palliatives designed to help people cope—the newspaper personal ads, the paid dating services, the dirty videos and magazines—but they were generally understood to be the province of weirdos and losers.
No more. The social technologies that assist in dating and mating today are more than palliatives—they’ve changed the nature of the game. If the cold approach is more than you can deal with, put up a Craigslist ad, or join OkCupid, Manhunt, or Nerve. If the phone call makes you nervous, send a text message. And while you’re at it, send a text message to a half-dozen other people with everyone’s favorite late-night endearment: “where u at?” If nothing works out and you find yourself alone at home again, simply fire up XTube or YouPorn and choose from an endless variety of positions to help you reach a late-night climax.
Virtually everyone under the age of 30 has grown up with their sexuality digitally enhanced, and the rest of us are rapidly forgetting the world before we all were hooked into the same erotically charged network of instantaneously transmitted messages and images. This must be true across the country, but it seems particularly suited for a city as dense, morally libertine, and sexually spirited as New York. Part of the promise of this city has always been that there’s another prospective partner a subway stop away, but not until recently could that partner interrupt your daily business with a cell-phone snapshot of their parted thighs. And of course, the same technology that makes it easier to score also makes the sexual boast or confession easily transmissible to millions of other people.
Every Monday since April 2007, this magazine has posted on its Daily Intel blog a seven-day diary of an anonymous New Yorker’s sex life. It began as an experiment intended to entertain the bored at work, but the candor of the Diarists soon attracted an outsize and devout following. Since October 2007, they have been joined by a rambunctious cacophony of commenters as obsessive on the subject of sex as the Diarists themselves. They criticize, malign, offer support and tips, and digress into arguments about everyone else’s sex lives, as well as their own. The Diaries are often flooded with over 100 comments within 24 hours. Two months ago, the comments on one diary were closed down at 895.
Over the course of the Sex Diaries’ 132-week run, we have seen the city through the eyes of cuckolds and cheaters, sluts and prudes, victimizers and victims, starry-eyed lovers and detached pleasure seekers. We have followed aging women on dismal Craigslist dates, lonely gay men in pursuit of ostensibly curious straight guys, happily polyamorous couples, and co-dependent serial monogamists. We’ve watched some Diarists terrified of succumbing to their feelings and others unable to feel much of anything at all. We’ve watched a black man fly to meet a white couple at a T.G.I. Friday’s in the Midwest and have sex with the wife as the husband watched.
The Diaries can be arousing, a little. But in aggregate, they wound up doing something more interesting: They cracked open a window into the changing structure, rhythm, and rhetoric of sex in New York. The Diarists are a self-selecting group, of course: bizarrely oversharing New Yorkers motivated by the impulse to brag or, as often, the urge to fling their terrible abjection in the face of the world. But as we watched them struggle with the peculiar hazards of mating in New York today (failing spectacularly, or succeeding all too well), we saw that their hassles were everyone’s writ large, and their stories posed a question: Are the digital tools that make it easier to find sex compounding the confusion that accompanies it?
The editors of this magazine asked me to read all 800 pages of the Sex Diaries, and, using them as a source text, develop some kind of taxonomy of contemporary sexual anxieties. (Let others parse Chaucer, my role was that of exegete of “The Polyamorous Paralegal.”) So that’s what I’ve done. Herewith: ten things that seem to be making our playful, amorous youth crazy.
1. The anxiety of too much choice. A fact so readily apparent that it has escaped reflection: The cell phone has changed the nature of seduction. One carries in one’s pocket, wherever one goes, the means of doing something other than what one is presently doing, or being with someone other than the person one is with. Take this excerpt from a 31-year-old straight male Diarist (“The Transportation Coordinator Seeing Three Partners”) living on the Upper West Side:
12:32 p.m. I get three texts. One from each girl. E wants oral sex and tells me she loves me. A wants to go to a concert in Central Park. Y still wants to cook. This simultaneously excites me—three women want me!—and makes me feel odd.
This is a distinct shift in the way we experience the world, introducing the nagging urge to make each thing we do the single most satisfying thing we could possibly be doing at any moment. In the face of this enormous pressure, many of the Diarists stay home and masturbate.
2. The anxiety of making the wrong choice. A Diarist with any game at all has unlimited opportunity. A few find this enjoyable and are up to the task: Identify the single best sexual partner available, or at least the person most amenable to their requirements at the moment. They use their cell phone to disaggregate, slice up, and repackage their emotional and physical needs, servicing each with a different partner, and hoping to come out ahead. This can get complicated quickly, however, and can lead to uneasy situations.
An inordinate number of Diarists find themselves at the brink of enjoying one sexual experience, only to receive a phone call or text from another potential suitor. They become a slave to their compulsion and indecision. Consider these snippets in a week of one Diarist, who is deeply conflicted between her Pseudo and Ex:
2:55 p.m. Pseudo G-chats me. Looks like he might be interested in hanging out tonight after all. 9:30 p.m. Meet up with Ex and friends at bar. Text Pseudo to see if he’s up for doing anything.
2:20 a.m. At a bar with Pseudo and other friends. Ex drunk-texts me: “Wanna fuck?” 3:17 a.m. Half-bottle of wine plus mucho beer plus a few rounds of shots leads to me texting Pseudo, “Let’s get out of here and go back to my place.” 3:18 a.m. Pseudo texts back, “I don’t feel like dealing with you.”
11:45 p.m. At a bar with Pseudo. Ex drunk-texts me.
1:30 p.m. Ex calls and wakes me up. Says he needs to talk in person. 7:49 p.m. Text Pseudo and tell him about convo with Ex. Pseudo replies that he’s sorry, he hopes I end up getting what I want. What the hell does that mean? I have no idea what I want, clearly.
This compulsive toggling between options winds up inflicting the very damage it was designed to protect against.
3. The anxiety of not being chosen. Among active Diarists, the worry that they will make the wrong choice is surpassed by the fear that they might find themselves without one. To guard against this disaster, everybody is on somebody’s back burner, and everybody has a back burner of their own, which they maintain through open-ended texts, sporadic Facebook messages, G-chats, IM’s, and terse e-mails. The Diarists appear to do this regardless of whether or not they are in a committed, or even a contractually sealed, relationship.
12:22 a.m. Tell him I want him. Clothes off, oral sex given and received.
12:45 a.m. IM sound from my computer. I’m currently busy, but I have a feeling who it is at this hour. Continue deliciously illicit activities which turn into both intercourse and mutual masturbation.
1:50 a.m. After we finish, check IM. I was spot-on; it is Mr. 34. And we all know what 2 a.m. IM’s mean.
Sometimes being relegated to the back burner is a sign of uninterest: the late-night booty call, the option of last resort. As often, it is a place to confine anyone who might become emotionally dangerous. The back burner is a confusing, destabilizing, and exhausting place to be, and yet none of the Diarists—even ones who appear sexually sated—appear to view it as anything but a fact of life. It is clearly less terrifying than the alternative, which is to not be on anyone’s.
4. The anxiety of appearing overly enthusiastic. The back burner is a game, and while the Diarists have various ideas about what constitutes winning, they all agree on how you lose: by betraying a level of emotional enthusiasm unmatched by the other party. Everyone’s afraid disarmament won’t be mutual.
To disarm unilaterally is a strategic error on so many levels—it commits you to a degree of openness you might not be able to maintain, and it exposes vulnerabilities that your counterparty might not be able to resist exploiting. It signals desperation, clinginess, high-maintenance. Most of all, it risks exposing the fond hope, better kept to oneself, that one yearns to leave behind the serial fuck buddies, friends with benefits, and other back-burner relationships to which one had, at some significant expenditure of effort, inured oneself.
The goal of any Diarist playing the game, therefore, is to withhold one’s own expectations until one understands what is expected by the other party. These negotiations require supreme discipline. If you betray the wrong kind of avidity at the wrong moment, your counterparty will not hesitate to pitch you into the shark tank:
The Diaries are filled with these kinds of casualties and near misses. (“I love this man,” thinks one Diarist mid-coitus. “Mental anxiety attack when I realize I almost said this out loud.”) The commenters have no sympathy for these emotional miscalculations. This, by contrast, from one of the most well-received Diaries (“The TV Producer Who Knows Everyone”) that ever ran:
3 p.m. Already received two texts and countless Facebook IM’s from the Brit. Am slowly starting to realize I have a Stage Five Clinger on my hands. He asks me to hang out again this coming Sunday. I do not respond.
This Diary contained all of the elements that commenters favored: lots of action, multiple partners, emotional fickleness, bad judgment brashly flaunted, and tasty little morsels of private pain offered up in a drolly ingratiating tone.
5. The anxiety of appearing delusional. The quality in a Sex Diary most admired by commenters is the kind of confidence (or masochism) that allows for ruthless candor. The commenters, it should be said, are a community unto themselves: part intimate support group, part vengeful gathering of Maoist Red Guards. Friends and underminers both, they make it clear that they are not just looking for masturbation material. They celebrate Diarists who exhibit the virtue of self-knowledge, and descend on those oblivious to their own weakness.
These are statements of psychological awareness, but they are also performances. They mask a deeper fear: that one might not be in complete control of one’s appearance. The Diarists cannot bear being judged without having let us know they have properly anticipated it.
6. The anxiety of appearing overly sincere. Though the Diarists flaunt their emotional honesty, much of what they confess to concerns their terror of losing control. And there is no more efficient way to relinquish control than a sincere avowal of emotion.
The funny little names make for easy reading—they protect identities, and help us readers keep up with the narrative convolutions. But they also perform an important conceptual labor, subtly ironizing the ones about whom one might conceivably have feelings and neatly dismissing those labeled as a means to an end. There is a certain pride in understanding the limits of a transaction, and installing oneself in the safe position of narrator. This is particularly true for the female Diarists eager to portray themselves just as capable of using others as any man.
You could argue that this playing-to-the-audience is a product of unique circumstances—the Sex Diaries are written for a readership, of course—but postgame narration and color commentary, like rigorous self-analysis, are a constant element of New York mating. Sometimes it feels like the principal reason we have friends.
7. The anxiety of appearing prudish. The Diarists are eager to show themselves to have conquered modesty—as if anyone is still insisting they be modest. This is particularly true of the young women—and the Diaries are full of them—who operate at the weird place where male pornographic fantasies and their own fantasies of self-empowered pleasure converge:
As for pornography, it plays a role in an extraordinary number of Diaries. Still, few Diarists of either sex are willing to betray any discomfort with it, per se. (“See, I have no issue with porn,” one Diarist assures us when discussing his friend’s enormous collection.) Instead they worry about everything related to porn. Its price, for instance. Or a partner’s overindulgence.Occasionally they do fear that the consumption of it may be wearing them out. This, it seems, is incontestable. The experiences of the lonely and the overstimulated by too much sex converge in weirdly affecting moments of intimacy. Picture the montage—a series of apartments in the soft, gray light of dawn:
3:01 a.m. Attempt to masturbate. Pass out with the vibrator still going.
3:30 a.m. Wake up with porn on my laptop and cock in hand. I guess I was really tired.
8. Internet-enabled agoraphobia For some Diarists, online dating has become not just a supplement to their social lives, but a replacement for it. They prefer to game out all the angles of each prospective seduction ahead of time—to “control the environment and the message,” as one Diarist puts it—and regard the social world itself as “asinine bullshit/social Kabuki.”
The most practiced online daters have mastered the paradoxical etiquette of meeting strangers online and attaining swift mutual satisfaction:
11 a.m. I come across an ad from a sincere-looking South Asian fellow and respond. The fellow responds with a number. I call and we agree to hook up for drinks.
6:17 p.m. The fellow and I do a 69.
Simple. But a certain callousness toward the merchandise is an unavoidable side effect of entering a marketplace as both buyer and seller. If any of the Diarists have felt the sting of disappointment in finding an Internet correspondence go dead, they are immune to it now. They refer to online solicitations as if they were bidders on eBay, and browse potential options without the slightest titillation:
The loneliest Diarists, seeking a respite from their loneliness, often find people even lonelier than themselves:
1 p.m. Kick off my weekly Sunday-afternoon tradition: “Find Steve on Craigslist.” Steve is a disgusting person I slept with back in April, who attributed my lack of an orgasm to his use of a hair-replacement product. Every Sunday, sure as the rising sun, he posts an ad where he comments about the weather and requests a “beautiful companion” to go to the beach/take a walk in the park/get a coffee/see a movie. He sickens me.
9. Separation anxiety Collecting all of your friends onto a single page, as all social-networking sites do, alters the way you think about experiences. Formerly, you met people, did things with them, and selected a handful to carry forward into later stages of life. Life was a linear sequence of relationships that began and ended.
But just as Facebook has become an instrument for meeting and seducing new people, it is now also an archive of people you had once seduced or been seduced by:
2:30 p.m. Trying to put off my homework even more, I scan through my Facebook account, my BlackBerry, and my in-box trying to think if I am friends with any guys who I haven’t hooked up with already. Zilch.
And just as the new technologies keep reminding us of the existence of these old relationships, so they make the temptation to relationship recidivism irresistible to many of the Diarists. It seems as if half of the Diarists are either texting or being texted by old flames:
Maintaining enough distance to permit a decisive break now requires more discipline than many people can muster, and a familiar category of relationship has become more widespread: those that one can never wholly embrace, but never finally refuse. This is wireless co-dependency, and the recovery movement potent enough to cure it (without insisting that its members unplug from the grid) has yet to come into being.
10. The anxiety of being unable to love. And yet perhaps the most surprising psychological attribute of the Diarists, despite weeks upon weeks of guarding their vulnerabilities from the brutality of the marketplace, is their romanticism. True love! Who could say these words in public without acute embarrassment? It is nonetheless something that the Diarists keep referencing, despite the impression they convey that it is an ever-receding ideal. It’s an odd, negative sort of tribute—a vague longing for something all but lost, but perhaps worth clinging to nonetheless.
Reading the Sex Diaries all in one enormous gulp, as I have, caused me to surf on the edge of a terrible vertigo as I thought of the many wounds I had myself endured and inflicted during my brief career as a person with a New York City sex life. I had a thought analogous to the one I often have about cars: How is it that we hurtle around the country in these enormous steel boxes and ever survive? And yet people do, sometimes even in the Sex Diaries.
You would have to have read 800 printed pages of them to feel about the following Diary the same way that I did. There was nothing special about it—just an ordinary young man earnestly seeking a happy ending—and it is surely because I endured so much of the heartbreak written into this sprawling document that I make no apologies for the pleasure I took in it, or in disclosing that the somewhat sappy narrative climax contained therein brought me—in my own high esteem, as disenchanted a reader as any alive today—to tears in the reading room of the New York Public Library:
DAY SEVEN 11:15 a.m. Co-worker makes comment that I am glowing. I smile, knowing it’s because of new boyfriend. 3 p.m. I write note to Ex explaining how I thought he should know that I am really happy and dating an amazing guy. It finally feels like some closure. 7 p.m. My head is in the clouds, and I forget to bring my sneakers to my dodgeball game. Still we are able to win one game. I catch game-winning ball! 9:35 p.m. Guy from league hits on me. I happily deny him: “Sorry, I just met an amazing guy, and I think I’m in love!” I smile, feeling really good about telling anyone and everybody about how happy I am and how wonderful he is. I cannot wait for our date tomorrow!
The seduction community began online with guys sharing tips on how to pick up women in bars. How has the art of the pickup changed with massive online-dating and hookup apps?
Zan Perrion: The reason the seduction community started is there’s a very strong disconnect between men and women. And that shifted into tips on how to get into girls’ pants as opposed to addressing the real need, that men have lost our role in society today. We’re all hyper-connected online and yet we’re fundamentally disconnected.
Ken Hoinsky: The online experience for younger guys is not indicative of the real world; it’s like they’re looking through this distorted mirror. As a woman on a dating site, you are receiving an amount of attention [that is] complete levels of magnitude above what men are experiencing. Nice, good-looking guys are messaging girls and not getting any responses, and over time, they start to think of their self-worth in [terms of] what they’re experiencing online.
Sherrie Schneider: Technology has changed, but the difference between men and women and the dating philosophy does not change. Man has to pursue woman first to be an effective, long-term, monogamous relationship. We help girls who are too much, because with today’s technology they can Facebook a guy and g-chat him and double-text him. A lot of Rules girls thought we were telling them texting wasn’t good, and we had to approach texting like a war and that a guy couldn’t text, he had to call. But we think that however a guy approaches you, don’t be insulted. It’s fine. Text with him. But don’t text all day and all night. Have boundaries.
Arden Leigh: In four or five years of actively dating, I have not dated a man who approached me first. I found that, actually, with my generation, men are shy these days; men are kind of the new women. There have been a lot of guys who’ve told me later, after I approached them, “Yeah I was really interested in you, but, you know, you’re tall, kind of intimidating. I didn’t know what to say, what to do.” [As a woman] you need a proactive strategy that’s not going to come off as desperate, that’s going to come off as fun and confident and be able to create attraction with that person.
Schneider: This is extremely dangerous information.
Hoinsky: The idea that one method works and one method doesn’t work is absurd. Different approaches work for different people.
Schneider: Well, we are women and women want monogamy.
Leigh: Could we not judge monogamy versus polyamory? Because I’m actually incredibly happy being nonmonogamous. As women we should be empowered to have the kind of relationships that we want without that being judged.
How does seduction work in this realm of seamless algorithmic coupling?
Hoinsky: People are using online dating as a crutch, as a replacement for getting out there and developing real social skills in the real world.
Lyons: This is why the concept “pickup artist” should exist, because there are a lot of guys who don’t know how to make online profiles work. Test this yourself: Create two profiles, make them both exactly the same. In one of them put a picture of a hot girl, and the other a hot guy, and do the same with a less attractive girl and a less attractive guy. Send messages out from them and see which one gets the most replies. I get most of my men to create female profiles online to see how men are objectifying women and that’s not really what women want, in order to teach them how to pursue correctly.
Fein: We say that within four e-mails, the guy has to ask you out. The problem with online dating is when people are not following the rules and have these fantasy relationships with guys where you never meet. That’s not a relationship.
Perrion: The younger generation that’s now becoming dating age does not have the same angst that we have. This is the first generation that has grown up 100 percent digital, with cell phones in their hands when they were small, so for them it’s natural to date online. I have a feeling that this new generation is going to reject this whole me-centric, consumer-based, self-help, woe-is-me generation from the nineties. I think they’re going to say, “We don’t need gurus. We’re going to reject all this navel gazing that our parents did.”
Ken, I want to talk about the controversy that came out of your Kickstarter campaign. You used language in the book and on Reddit that was very frank and, some said, “rape-y”—I saw one post about you trying to get a woman to let you “slip the banana in.” But the vitriol only came after you’d put it on Kickstarter and exposed it to a wider audience. What does that say about whether pickup is ready for the mainstream?
Hoinsky: My language in certain parts was clearly regrettable. Basically, yeah, when you’re writing for a small community of people who are like-minded and take the time to read the context, things can make sense in that context. When you blow it out of context and put it in front of millions of people, which is what happened to some of the quotes in my book, you get extreme feminists who say that any dating-advice book is inherently wrong because you’re objectifying an entire gender.
How do you respond to that criticism?
Hoinsky: I understand that argument but I have thousands of frustrated guys who can’t get dates and are asking for help, so I’m not just going to ignore them. And I’m not going to throw away all of this critique and anger, either. Pickup artistry has not done a good job of dealing with concepts like consent. If you look at The Mystery Method book, which is a pretty popular book, the section on sex is basically blank. People don’t want to talk about it. So here’s an opportunity to talk about consent, rape, these really important issues that pickup artists have historically not done a good job talking about. We can take seduction to the mainstream and it shouldn’t be a dirty word. I’ve known guys that are happily married in their thirties with a wife and kids, and they have that marriage because they read The Game and they are embarrassed to talk about it. They will never admit to their spouse that because they read The Game they got the confidence to start this wonderful life. Let’s fix this problem because the world will be a better place for it.
Leigh: Ken, you know I reacted to your posts by proposing a book on Kickstarter with two co-authors, a matchmaker as well as a burlesque artist, called A Feminist Guide to Picking Up Men, which Kickstarter rejected. But we wanted to make the point that seduction in itself is not inherently misogynistic.
Where I think you went wrong was you really skimmed over microcalibration. Calibration is the way that a PUA knows whether there is consent or not. And you use the word “force” — “force a woman to rebuff your advances and make her reject you, then you’re obviously coming on too strong.” But in your defense, I will say that so much of the propaganda out there tells women to play hard-to-get and not express when they actually mean “yes.” There is so much shaming out there around women who seem too eager or too desirous for sex. Society says, “Don’t give in too soon, don’t give in even if you want to, don’t make it look like you want to, don’t carry condoms, don’t even look like you know what sex is.” If a man is dealing with a woman like that, who is ashamed of opening up about her desires, it makes it difficult to understand where there is actual consent or desire that’s just being covered up by societal shame and not wanting to seem too easy. What I love about female pickup is that I am making a move and I am initiating things and there is no question about my consent.
Leigh: Calibration is a sharp attunement to your target’s reactions in every given moment, literally second to second, so that you can tell whether they’re on the same page with you and whether they want to continue moving forward. We also have something in the pickup community called compliance testing, where if I say, “High five!” and you match me, then I know you’re into me and I can maybe move forward and put my arm around you.
Let’s go over a few situations and see how you would game them. What’s your first move if you’re a guy going to a bar just looking for sex?
Lyons: The number one thing I tell my students: Do not go out looking for sex. If that’s 100 percent what you want to do, then you should really think about finding something where it’s legal to do so and pay for it. Women aren’t masturbation boxes; men aren’t portable dildos with a heater attached. We’re all human beings looking for connection. Just go out to meet people, and if it turns into sex, great, and if it doesn’t, also great. Now, there are signs that somebody’s open to sex. Look for those subtle signs. Actually, women make the very first move. Always. But that first initial move is a sign that they are open to being approached. And a way of seeing that is if you look at a group of girls interacting, you’ll often notice that one of the girls in the group isn’t really looking at the rest of the group, and instead is looking around the bar for people. This girl, almost guaranteed, is ovulating and looking to meet somebody that night. That doesn’t mean that if you approach her she’s going to have sex with you. What it means is she’s much more open to a sexual advance and maybe, if she forms a real connection and trust and everything else that you need, maybe you’ll have sex that night. But that shouldn’t be your goal.
Otherwise you’ll come off as a creep.
Lyons: I think if anybody, male or female, goes out there with sex as their primary goal, they’ll come across as a creep. I have seen women alone in a bar looking for sex, and they just come across as desperate, and guys are like “I am not going to touch that thing. I have no idea where she’s been or what she’s been doing.”
Schneider: We’ve had some clients that are actually disappointed that a guy’s not trying to have sex with them. It’s because they’re needy. For a woman, it’s more emotional, and she feels like sex will cement the relationship and he’ll call her and they’ll date and stuff. But a guy, if he’s having sex with you on the first date, he’s just interested in sex.
Lyons: For sure! But there are some men who also get emotional connection from sex. I know a guy who cries every time he has sex with his girlfriend because he thinks it’s so beautiful.
For those who coach men, if your target is being resistant, how do you win her over? Or is it just about not taking “no” for an answer?
Perrion: The beauty of feminine grace and the beauty of masculine edge is all we have to do is show ourselves fully, nervous or not, shy or not, and you say, “You know what, I like you in that dress. You look great. I would love to see you again.” It’s a strong way of approaching the world as opposed to “Would you like to go out for coffee sometime and then maybe date three times and then maybe come up to my house and watch a movie and maybe I’ll put my arm around you.” It’s just standing on the Earth and saying, “Here’s my statement. I’m a guy who likes women and I like you. I’m saying it and you can do whatever you want with that information.” When I talk to a woman, she knows everything about me in the first 30 seconds, because I tell her. I hide nothing.
You sound really smooth. But what about the really clueless, oblivious guys?
Perrion: That’s 100 percent true. When I talk about this stuff, they look at me like they have no idea what I’m talking about. [Laughs] Men are trying to measure their success with the results they get — they got a phone number, they got a smile, they got sex with a girl, they got a coffee date tomorrow. But I fundamentally believe that if men start measuring their success by the way they show up in the world of men, it doesn’t matter what her response is. You can be tongue-tied; you can run out of things to say. But you showed up, which is more than 95 percent of the men out there are doing. It’s “I’m going to put myself out fully into the Earth. I’m going to represent myself.” Then phone numbers and coffee dates and sex are fait accompli. Phone numbers will fall out of the air if they do this.
Arden, how would you approach a guy in a room?
Leigh: There’s three different ways of doing that. An indirect approach, where you give off body-language signals on an animal level that will attract a guy. A semi-direct approach, where you approach one of his friends and eventually say, “Hey, introduce me to your friends.” Or there’s a direct approach, which is just going up to a guy and speaking to him, and it doesn’t matter what you want to use as an opener. You say something about the situation.
Schneider: We highly disagree. We say talking to his friends is a direct approach, he knows it and you know it, he’s flattered, but then he gets bored. That’s our take.
Leigh: My guys don’t get bored.
What if you wanted to get with a friend’s ex?
Fein: That’s just not right.
What about a platonic friend you want to turn into a sexual partner?
Hoinsky: This is going to sound strange to people, but you have to date other women. If you’re in the dreaded friend zone, you have to be seen as desired by other women.
Lyons: Any relationship should be a mixture of two things: comfort and attraction. If you’re in the friend zone, there’s too much comfort and not enough attraction. One of the ways to generate sexual attraction is to be a sexual prowler. If you’re hanging out with your female best friend and suddenly you work out a lot and your body is in a great shape, or you go to comedy clubs and you get really funny, your best friend is going to look at you and think, “Wow, when did you get a hot body and become so funny?” They are going to start being attracted.
Fein: If you’re in a friend zone, find out what books she likes, what movies she likes, what turns her on.
Lyons: No, that would push the friend zone further and make them more comfortable.
Fein: No, women feel with their head. I had a guy that knew my favorite book was Gone With the Wind and he read it, and that made me fall madly in love with him.
Lyons: What I’m saying is that only works if the woman is attracted to the guy already.
Fein: No, no, I really wasn’t and then he read Gone With the Wind and I was like, “Oh my god!” I felt like Scarlett and he was Rhett. This was me in college.
Leigh: That was a long time ago.
What if a guy’s been going on proper, respectful dates and wants to move it into sex?
Fein: He can put his arm around you. When they seat you at the table, he can sit at your side of the table. He definitely pays for the check.
Lyons: That’s all nonsense. She’s going to reject that straight away. If you want to move things to be more sexual then you need to find out if someone is willing to engage you on a sexual level. I get them to bring up sex in the third person. You can talk about those people around you, “Do you think those people are on a first date, second date? Are they cheating on each other?” Discuss other people’s sex lives, and then you transition it to when you had your first kiss, when you first hooked up. Turn the conversation onto sex and women get aroused. I’ll say to someone, “Don’t tell me, but what is your deepest, darkest sexual fantasy?” I don’t need to know what it is, but if she’s comfortable enough with me to visualize this, then I will benefit from that and she will get aroused. If she does, I find that it’s the woman that initiates touching me, because at that point she needs that physical closeness. That is a thousand times more effective than picking up the check.
What if you want to start a threesome? How do you suss out that situation?
Perrion: The fundamental thing of open relationships and relationships where there’s a third party introduced into it is that the girl who is your girl in your situation has to be the one to start the whole thing. She is the focus, she is the queen.
Lyons: If you’re in a committed relationship with someone, you shouldn’t be adding a third party into it, and if you are, then you should pay for it, that way there’s a contractual agreement that goes away at the end. Go somewhere where it’s legal, like Amsterdam. That way you have that experience, but don’t have to worry about it seeping into the relationship. If you’re in a non-committed relationship, the easiest way to do that is to have multiple partners and suggest that you get together.
Leigh: In a committed, nonmonogamous relationship, I believe it’s the job of the man to build attraction with the new third partner that you’re bringing in and the woman’s job to build comfort with her.
Lyons: Or the other way around. I’ve had situations where I had the girl be like, “Hey, I like this girl and I made out with her in the club last night, I want to bring her into the bedroom.” So she brings the attraction and I build the comfort. I had a period where we did Threesome Thursdays, but it came about because we were all in open relationships and it was very easy to do. You just have one person take the lead and bring the other in afterward.
Is it possible to start a threesome cold at a bar?
Lyons: I’ve done it cold on a number of occasions. The very first time that I had two girls that I made out with at the same time, they were two friends. What happened was I had actually lost my voice the day before, so I couldn’t speak. I was writing on a piece of paper. For fun, I would show both the girls the piece of paper, one after another. And it became like a joke for hours: Whatever I would do with one girl, I would do with the other girl, because it was on a piece of paper and I couldn’t communicate with them at the same time. I would dance with one and then I’d dance with the other. And after a while, I had them both on each arm, and I made out with one and then I made out with the other one. Then, at the end of the night, the two girls and I went home, we had sex, and in the morning, the girls were like, “Wow, we had always wanted to sleep together, but we never had the situation.” Again, I don’t feel I initiated it. I felt that what happened was that I stumbled across a situation that was going to happen one day and I just so happened to have the ability to enable them in a situation that was always going to happen. I don’t think anyone could walk into a bar, pinpoint two individual women, and say, “These two. Tonight. I’m going to take them.” Except for maybe Brad Pitt.
Hoinsky: Clooney. I think Clooney could do it.
One of the most memorable concepts of Neil Strauss’s The Game was “the neg,” a technique of slyly insulting a woman to prey on her low self-esteem. Are there techniques that are now too manipulative to be used?
Lyons: Neil Strauss is a good friend of mine, and if the biggest thing you took out of The Game was the neg, then you obviously didn’t read the book. That book is about a man who searches for love and eventually finds it. He only mentions negging probably five times in the entire book. It’s a story. That’s like reading Game of Thrones and being like, “The only thing I took out of it is that everybody has swords.”
Leigh: People think negging is an insult that’s designed to lower a woman’s self-esteem so she’ll seek validation from you in order to compensate for that. The truth is that a neg is a statement or action designed to temporarily disqualify oneself as a potential suitor. So, for example, a guy blowing his nose in front of a girl can be a neg, because she’ll be like, “No, if he’s blowing his nose in front of me, he must not be that into me.” It’s designed for her comfort if she feels the guy is coming on too strong.
Lyons: It’s like in The Rules, for example, when they say, “Don’t text a guy too often because its showing disinterest.”
Schneider: I feel like The Rules have been misrepresented. The way a guy knows that a woman is interested is if he asks her on a date and she says yes, assuming he asks a few days in advance because we won’t go out with you tonight. We’re just teaching women to pull back, to not do everything too emotionally, because they get hurt and we don’t want to get hurt and we want to get the guy. And we find the best way to get the guy is to not initiate and not be overly available.
There’s a lot of common ground. With The Rules, you’re saying no in a way that leaves the door open until you get the answer that you want. And with pickup artistry you’re being persistent to get the yes against all the no’s that you’re getting.
Perrion: Fundamentally, we just want to belong to something. We want to be loved and we want someone to love us. I don’t think anybody’s intentions are bad.
Hoinsky: Nobody talks about love because it’s a big scary word, but at the end of the day it’s about making connections and falling in love. It’s a beautiful thing.
Schneider: We talk about love and say that sex is a beautiful thing, but it’s not beautiful if you sleep with a guy in a hookup and never hear from him again, or get five meaningless texts in a row. When a guy walks into a party he knows in five seconds whom he likes and doesn’t like. He either likes the tall blonde or the short brunette. Girls, in our estimation, do not have to stand next to him or ask him the time or do any technique to get his attention. If he doesn’t notice you, then he doesn’t like you.
Leigh: Okay then, Sherrie, let me ask you a question. I originally started crushing on my boyfriend when I saw him on television. I figured out a way to approach him through one of his friends. How was I going to get that guy I wanted that I saw on television if I didn’t do anything?
Schneider: You’re in a nonmonogamous and long-distance relationship, correct?
Leigh: Yes, that’s correct.
Fein: I’m hearing, He’s far away and I had to go see him, and if I hadn’t seen him, he wouldn’t notice me and I had to make all of the effort.
Leigh: That’s absolutely not true.
Fein: We don’t want to hurt your feelings, but this guy that you’re dating — we don’t think you got him.
Leigh: You don’t know me, and you don’t know my relationship.
Schneider: One on one, if I were to do a consultation with you, I would grill you about why you don’t have a bit more. Anytime you want to call we are available.
Leigh: Could you be any more condescending? You’re going to judge my relationships, tell me I’m not happy, and offer me counsel?
Fein: If you were a client, we would do a childhood history and figure out that something happened with Daddy. You should be with someone who is crazy about you.
Leigh: He is crazy about me.
Fein: Then why isn’t he monogamous?
Leigh: Because we both like other women.
Hoinsky: Listen, if I wanted to sit here and listen to people slut-shame, I would read my in-box.
So, do you struggle with your own obsolescence? Are pickup artists and dating coaches talking to an empty room? What’s the future of seduction?
Hoinsky: People are still going to go out, they’re still going to go dancing, they’re still going to go to bars, they’re still going to see that cute guy or girl in the corner, and they’re still going to hook up. It’s not going anywhere.
Leigh: I think the newest frontier to seduction that has not been explored is I’ve had a lot of requests for gay, lesbian, bisexual, polyamorous, and pansexual seduction. I’m hugely in favor of this and I personally am bisexual, but I’m not the expert to write about it. Reid Mihalko from ReidAboutSex is one of the people leading that sphere. How do you take seduction out of just the hetero-normative sphere, where it’s absolutely necessary, but that’s not the only world that we exist in.
Lyons: I just want everybody from our community, which has come up from this whole Ken thing, to represent it accurately. Not everybody should be raised thinking that casual sex is bad.
Schneider: We’re not saying it’s bad. We’re saying it’s not effective. It just doesn’t work.
Hoinsky: What I’m hearing are that people are tired of games. That’s where we’re going. The techniques in The Game — they are what they are. Right now it’s about being authentic and not lying.
The Lower East Side Avant-Gardists Crash happy hour ($2 beers, $3 grilled cheese) at gallerista bar Café Dancer* (96 Orchard St., nr. Broome St.; 212-677-1808). Listen to ambient noise at salonlike music space Spectrum* (121 Ludlow St., nr. Delancey St., second fl.; spectrumnyc.com).
The Harlem Historians Explore the sites of “Activist East Harlem” with a Museum of the City of New York* walking tour (call 917-492-3395 for more info). Revel in live jazz and Harlem Mules at Ginny’s Supper Club(310 Lenox Ave., nr. 125th St.; 212-421-3821).
The Flushing Adventurers Take an archery lesson at the Queens Archery Range*(170-20 39th Ave., Flushing; 718-461-1756). Cool off with Taiwanese shaved ice at Snopo in the New World Mall Food Court (40-21 Main St., nr. Roosevelt Ave., Flushing; 718-353-1655).
The Consummate Bushwickians Warm up with wine punch at British-themed bar Dear Bushwick(41 Wilson Ave., at Melrose St., Bushwick; 929-234-2344). Nestle in for a prix fixe tasting at the tiny Blanca (261 Moore St., nr. Bogart St., Bushwick; 646-703-2715).
The Buzz-Seeking Midtowners Brave the mobs and walk through the “Rain Room” installation, open till July 28, at the Museum of Modern Art(11 W. 53rd St., nr. Sixth Ave.; 212-708-9400). Slurp housemade ramen at the nearby Totto Ramen(366 W. 52nd St., nr. Ninth Ave.; 212-582-0052).
The Upper East Side Traditionalists Sip classy cocktails in a dark corner at Bemelmans Bar in the Carlyle Hotel (35 E. 76th St., nr. Madison Ave.; 212-744-1600). Fill up on pasticcio all’Amatriciana, i.e., lasagna, a few blocks south at the recently opened Salumeria Rosi Parmacotto Il Ristorante(903 Madison Ave., nr. 73rd St.; 212-517-7700).
The Red Hook Nostalgists Stuff your face with crustaceans and play a round of mini-golf at Brooklyn Crab (24 Reed St., nr. Conover St., Red Hook; 718-643-2722). Catch a riverside outdoor screening (like the seminal teen movie Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead, on August 27) in Valentino Pier park(Ferris St., bet. Coffey and Van Dyke Sts., Red Hook, redhookflicks.com).
The Outdoorsy Greenpointers Picnic on the Transmitter Park lawn(West St. bet. Kent St. and Greenpoint Ave., Greenpoint) with General Tso’s seitan sandwiches from No. 7 Sub (931 Manhattan Ave., nr. Kent St., Greenpoint; 718-389-7775). Take a canoe out at the North Brooklyn Boat Club(49 Ash St., at McGuinness Blvd., Greenpoint; northbrooklynboatclub.org).
The Astoria TV Fanatics See the tighty-whities worn by TV’s meth master at a Breaking Bad exhibit opening July 26 at the Museum of the Moving Image (36-01 35th Ave., Astoria; 718-777-6888). Knock back cocktails at the Astor Room*(34-12 36th St., Astoria; 718-255-1947), the old Paramount Studios cafeteria (now home to Kaufman-Astoria Studios).
The Kips Bay Comedy Aficionados Catch the city’s alt-comedy stalwarts (Janeane Garofalo, Wyatt Cenac, and Judah Friedlander) and up-and-comers alike at the Stand*(239 Third Ave., nr. 20th St.; 212-677-2600). Split the meat loaf at newly opened comfort-food joint Kipsey’s(438 Second Ave., nr. 25th St.; 646-590-3410).
*Save up to 65 percent at these venues and others when you book your date at New York for Two.
Cheap Dates A summer calendar of free, couple-friendly diversions.
Mondays: River Readings Each Books Beneath the Bridge event is curated by a local bookstore—up next is Colum McCann, presented by powerHouse Books, on July 22. Pier 1, Dumbo; brooklynbridgepark.org. Through August 12, 7 p.m.
Tuesdays: Cinema on the Canal Take in double features in Lavender Lake’s Adirondack-chair-strewn backyard. 383 Carroll St., nr. Nevins St., Gowanus; 347-799-2154. Tuesdays and Wednesdays through October, dusk.
Wednesdays: Rollerblading After Dark Join a pack of in-line skaters and swan through the city until 10 p.m. Union Square South; weskateny.org. Through October, 7:45 p.m.
Thursdays: Salsa at Lincoln Center Dance to international performers, thanks to Target’s Free Thursdays. David Rubenstein Atrium, 61 W. 62 St., nr. Broadway; lincolncenter.org. Through August 29, 7:30 p.m.
Saturdays: Walking Through the Streets The city’s Summer Streets program allows you to roam parts of Manhattan, free of cars, including the Park Avenue Tunnel. From 72nd St. and Park Ave. to Foley Sq. August 3, 10, and 17, 7 a.m. to 1 p.m.
Sundays: Shakespeare in a Harlem Park Catch a calypso version of The Taming of the Shrew. Riverbank State Park Amphitheatre, 679 Riverside Dr., at 145th St.; 212-695-1596. Through August 4, 8 p.m.
Only about 5
percent of the companies in the Fortune 500 are run by women; double the sample size, and the proportion is the same. Compensation levels for female CEOs appear to lag as well, though it’s hard to tell because there are so few of them. On a recent list of America’s 200 highest-paid CEOs, only 11 were women, and their median pay was $1.6 million less than their male peers. Certain of these women are already household names: Yahoo’s Marissa Mayer, No. 34 on the list, who earned $25 million last year, and Hewlett-Packard’s Meg Whitman, No. 95, who earned $18 million. But the highest-paid female CEO in America is not nearly as well known. She is Martine Rothblatt, the 59-year-old founder of United Therapeuticsa publicly traded, Silver Spring, Marylandbased pharmaceutical companywho made a previous fortune as a founder of Sirius radio, a field she entered as an attorney specializing in the law of space. But what’s really extraordinary about Rothblatt’s ascent is not that she has leaned in, or out, or had any particular thoughts about having it all. What sets Rothblatt apart from the other women on the list is that shewho earned $38 million last yearwas born male.
It’s like winning the lottery, Rothblatt said happily, about seeing her name atop the list, during one of the meetings I had with her this summer. But Rothblatt could not be less interested in establishing herself as a role model for women. I can’t claim that what I have achieved is equivalent to what a woman has achieved. For the first half of my life, I was male, she said.
In person, Martine is magnificent, like a tall lanky teenage boy with breasts. She wears no makeup or jewelry, and she inhabits her muted clothingcargo pants, a T-shirt, a floppy button-down thrown on topin the youthful, offhand way of the tech elite. Martine is transgender, a power trans, which makes her an even rarer species in the corporate jungle than a female CEO. And she seems genuinely to revel in her self-built in-betweenness. Just after her sex-reassignment surgery in 1994, her appearance was more feminine than it is todayold photos show her wearing lipstick, her long, curly hair loose about her shoulders. But in the years since she has developed her own unisexual style. She is a person for whom gender matters enough to have undergone radical surgery, but not enough to care whether she’s called he or she by people, like her 83-year-old mother, who occasionally lose track of which pronoun to use.
What she prefers to be called is Martine. To her four young grandchildren she is Grand Martine. Bina Aspen, the woman who married Martine 33 years ago, when Martine was a man, and remains her devoted wife, calls herself not straight or gay but Martine-sexualas in the only person she wants to have sex with is Martine. Together Martine and Bina have four children, and they refer to Martine as Martine in conversations with strangers. At home, they call her Dad.
In 1995, just after her transition, Martine published The Apartheid of Sex, a slim manifesto that insisted on an overhaul of dimorphic (her word) gender categories. There are five billion people in the world and five billion unique sexual identities, she wrote. Genitals are as irrelevant to one’s role in society as skin tone. Hence, the legal division of people into males and females is as wrong as the legal division of people into black and white races. Instead, she suggested, people might better express their gender and sexual identities on a spectrum, perhaps in terms of color: Green might be an equally aggressive/nurturing person who does not try to appear sexy (lime green someone a little less aggressive), and purple someone gentle, nourishing, and erotic in equal measure.
If you’re aiming to keep sexual activity in bed all evening, you’re not alone. Call girls Greece suggest 5 ways to improve sexual efficiency… They know better!
Many guys are trying to find ways to improve their sex-related efficiency. This can include enhancing existing troubles or searching for brand-new ways to maintain their companion delighted.
Check out to find other easy methods to improve your sexual efficiency according to Greek call girls.
1. Remain energetic
One of the very best ways to improve your health and wellness is cardiovascular workout. Sex could get your heart price up, yet normal workout can help your sex-related efficiency by keeping your heart fit.
Thirty minutes a day of sweat-breaking exercise, such as running and also swimming, can do wonders to boost your libido. That what escorts do!
2. Consume fruits and vegetables
Certain foods can likewise assist you increase blood circulation. They include:
Onions as well as garlic
These foods might not be great for your breath, but they can help your blood flow.
This potassium-rich fruit container help reduce your blood pressure, which can profit your essential sex-related components as well as improve sexual performance.
Chillies and also peppers
Natural zesty foods assist your blood flow by lowering high blood pressure and swelling.
3. Eat meat and various other foods
Right here are some more foods that can help you achieve better blood circulation:
This kind of fat increases blood flow. You can discover it in salmon, tuna, avocados, and also olive oil.
This vitamin aids signals in your nerves step faster, including signals from your brain to your penis. It’s located in pork, peanuts, and kidney beans.
High in various other B vitamins, eggs assist balance hormonal agent levels. This can reduce tension that typically hinders an erection.
4. Reduce stress and anxiety
Stress can influence all areas of your health, including your libido. Stress raises your heart price (in the negative means) as well as raises blood pressure. Both of these are harming to sexual desire and also performance.
Mental anxiety can additionally influence accomplishing an erection or getting to a climax. Workout is an excellent means to minimize tension as well as boost your wellness.
Speaking to your companion or a call girlabout your tension can also relax you down, while reinforcing your connection at the same time.
Stress can also cause bad habits, such as smoking cigarettes or alcohol usage, which can hurt your sexual performance.
5. Kick bad habits
What you depend on to relax, such as cigarette smoking and consuming alcohol, could likewise impact sex-related performance.
While athens escorts suggest that a little red wine can improve flow, excessive alcohol can have adverse impacts.
Energizers slim blood vessels as well as have been linked to impotence. Lowering or stopping smoking cigarettes is just one of the primary steps to boost performance.
Replacing bad habits with healthy and balanced ones, such as workout and consuming well, can help improve sex-related health and wellness.
It’s never ever a poor choice to exercise, eat right, as well as enjoy your sex life to the max.